January 1, 1996

An old letter from this boy I used to know....

This letter has been building for a long time. Daily thoughts of writing this have come to me, always I put it off. Many times it was my prode that caused me not to write this. You see, since the night of the party when you spoke these words, "Sometimes I think you like me more than I like you." I have had a hard time dealing with this relationship.
My difficulties are rooted in not not knowing where we stand in relation to each other. We founded our relationship on an open agreement with no strict rules and a huge amount of trust in one another. This was ver beautiful, and worthy of us both. But now we are seperated by distance and time with only our ineria and our trust to keep us whole.
Ultimately I am a person who craves attention. Perhaps A. told you this. Without her, perhaps I never would have known. With this craving comes lonliness. Indeed lonliness and I are old friends, but it is not always so bad. Through lonliness I have learned to feel saddness, and loss, and love.
The purpose of this letter is not to beg for your attentions, or to warn or threaten you with my lonliness, but only to open up to you like I never have to anyone before. Doubt creeps into me about peeling my skin back in this way, to you now. The phrase I mentioned above, being the obvious instrument of my fear. With that phrase came the knowledge tha I was less to you than I thought, a terrible revelations. In deed I thought we were on the brink of something very fine and wonderful.
But do you remember discussing my beliefs on fear? How fear should never stop you from doing anything? That is something I must always try to incorporate into my life. It is not always wasy, and I do fail. I failed with L., I was scared and wouldn't fight. I wouln't have run, but I couln't bring myself to face him either. And so nw I am faced with another fearful choice to send you this, and with it a small piece of who I am, or to cower in fear.
My choice is made.
The last thing I have to say is- We are together by choice. To be where we are now...together. We both looked at the other and decided (somewhere) that the other was worthy. And we both took a chance. What this chance we took will come to, I don't know. But I do know, I am very glad to have taken it.
Delilah, I miss you very much.

D.L.